Love ... and the finding of Friends with Benefits

Strange topic, I suppose, given the fact that all I'm interested in right now is a friend with benefits. I'm told the "proper" term is fuck buddy, but friend with benefits sounds so much nicer. ;)

One of my good friends just got engaged. It seemed to me to happen rather quickly, and while I know he cares for her, I finally had to ask one day if he really loved her. His answer surprised the hell out of me.

"Do I love her? Yes. Am I IN love with her? No. Does she know that? She suspects she loves me more than I do, but she will be taken care of and loved and have everything she wants/needs."

Culturally, there's a gap between us. But even still, I have to admit I was a bit appalled. Whatever my view of sex, I've always had very narrow, I suppose cherished views of love. I really had to think about love, and my last 3 (and my only 3 long-term) relationships. All 3 failed miserably, by the way. ;) It made me question whether I've truly ever been IN love.

My last 3, I was chased. I know it sounds odd, but it is what it is. I am affectionate, outgoing and comfortable with people. Still, you can come this far and no farther. (If that makes sense.) I will be open with you and tell you things, but it doesn't mean you'll know ME, or be important to me, or even be interesting to me. I think most people are this way, but I guess it presented somewhat of an air of challenge. I really don't know, I'm not really the type worthy of being chased.

Still with all 3, I ended up in love after being worn down. All 3 were friends first, all 3 were very persistent, and with all 3 at some point I realized my resistance had melted and something stronger than friendship had crept in. I figured it was love. :)

Is it weird to be questioning this? Does it even matter? Hell I broke up with Peter over a decade ago. My divorce has been finalized now for over a year from...who cares it's over and done with.

The only person I can really think of in terms of Love ... well he technically started this blog with me and then disappeared. He's good at that. He floats in and out of my life, as his life ebbs and flows and so long as his wife doesn't notice, heh.

I was very in love with him my senior year of high school - and I've never met him. I wonder, and I think he still does too, what might have happened had he not gotten the call that the girlfriend he'd left was pregnant. He did the "right thing" and married her. (Yeah, sound familiar?) Hence the blog name, actually. He knocked his GF up, I got knocked up. It was an ode to Ophelia, and the notion she was pregnant.

I know that if we were ever within an hour's drive of each other, I don't care how old he is, how old I am, that either or both of us are/would be married, what either of us would then look like, none of that would matter. I fully expect I'd be naked and waiting for him on a hotel bed somewhere.

Then again, that's probably lust and the follies of youth speaking. ;) I haven't thought of him much recently, so kind of funny my thoughts of love brought him to mind.

It's time to replace one of my FWB. The fact that I've been having sex dreams about a good friend of mine on a fairly regular basis (who would make a good FWB partner, since we would be a HORRIBLE romantic couple, but then again we'd never sleep together because I find him rather intimidating), that fact tells me it's time to find someone to take the place of those who have tried and failed so miserably. ;)