The Onion

This one cracked me up: Nation's Nipples Severely Under-Clamped, U.S. Bureau of Masochism reports.

Though disconcerting to many, the Masochism Bureau's findings regarding nipple-abuse were not unexpected. Hooded sources confirmed the cruelty of erotically charged acts has dropped sharply in the past decade, which has also seen declines in the overall use of bondage gear, the tightness of leather harnesses, and the number of instances of naked, dominated citizens screaming out in delight while being flogged repeatedly against the hindquarters.

The use of hot, ripe eggplants has also reportedly fallen off.

Randomness

There's just something terribly amusing about being spanked while Christmas music is playing in the background. Although it was only amusing until I wholeheartedly started agreeing that yes, I should have taken care of the ticket I still haven't taken care of.

An odd post for an odd blog.

I've become friends with someone who is...well, a lot different than I am. I suppose that's good, but it's also making me look at things differently. I don't even know how to begin to explain this, I guess why I'm randomly blogging about it.

She has 3 kids, I have 1, and our kids act like siblings together. We do a lot together, and our week is intertwined with different events our kids participate in. Since the beginning of the school year, we do a lot together.

But as we've become better friends, I'm left a bit clueless. Our biggest difference? I had a bit of a bad-ass streak in high school/college. I never worried my parents (except once, long story), but if they had known the things I did...well, let's just leave it at that. Small towns are breeding grounds for kids getting themselves into trouble. I also went from hard-core Bible-belter who'd listened to nothing but Christian music save for the occasional night my cousins and I had a sleepover when we were allowed to listen to 80s music (well, it was the 80s, so I guess it was all 80s music) - to questioning everything and everyone - to coming to terms with my own sense of what I believe.

I'd like to say most people go through these steps, but they don't. Not in my experience. (Although keep in mind my experience deals largely with said Bible-belters.) The large percentage seem to go on believing what they were spoon-fed as children. The other percentage seem to flat-out reject anything and everything to do with what their parents believed. It almost feels like there is no in-between, which is smack where I would place myself.

So my friend, she does not celebrate Halloween with her kids. We delved into why tonight. Apparently, she once heard a sermon from a pastor who told her that Halloween worships the devil (not surprising), and that the practice was for bandits to go disguised and make demands at houses. If they were not met, they would kidnap the first born, kill them, and use their fat to make candles they placed in pumpkins (jack-o-lanterns) and placed at the houses. Hence, trick or treat.

Is anyone else shaking their head?

This woman is well-educated, if you're wondering, and in full possession of her powers of deduction. Why is it, that if a pastor tells you something, you believe it no matter what? Anyway, I could find NOTHING supporting this. Does anyone else know?

This is the best I found:
Halloween: A Covenant with Death and Hell

It reminded me why a small percentage of Christians (the one who invariably get the most press coverage) really tick me off. I find this SAME article quoted over and over as the entire basis for not celebrating Halloween!


But now what do I do? I mean, I feel like I need to say, "Hey, let's do some of our own research into this." But at the other time, I don't want to jeopardize our friendship. My li'l one ADORES her and her kids. You know how touchy people can be about their belief system, especially when questioned by friends.

I just don't know. All I know is I read that "article" and I marvel at the thousands of people who have read it and believed it all (I bet my father, bless him, would be one of them).

Me? Speed? Never...

So, I have a bit of a lead foot. I'd say that's pretty common. I've calmed down since my school days when I was a bit infamous for it, or rather more specifically for being pulled over and talking my way out of it. ("Really, officer, I didn't know you had to stop at the red light to turn...")

Several months ago, well rather more than several, I got a speeding ticket. I think I mentioned it in here. It was quite a bit over the limit. The limit changes from 45 to 35 (and 25 school zone, which I'd just missed the hours for thankfully). I knew this, considering I travel it 4+ times a day taking and picking the li'l one up from preschool. I was agitated, and wasn't really paying attention when it went from 45 to 35, and got clobbered. The sad thing? I had seen the cop minutes before on my way TO the school.

I intended on being in court. In order to make any payment arrangements here, or have leniancy as far as your record, or probation instead, you have to go to court. Well, instead I was in the ER. And lots of drama and phone calls later, the ticket still hasn't been paid. And well, that sort of came to light the last time I saw Sam.

Suffice it to say, that ended up with me tied up and on the bed thrashing around, avowing to take care of it right away. It might not have been as bad if I weren't into analyzing things for how best they might benefit me. Sad, isn't it? When asked which instrument stung worse, I remained silent for a bit too long, trying to calculate what he wanted to hear, and as such which answer would benefit ME the most.

Lesson learned? Eh, probably not.

Creativity

I have to give him credit, I keep wondering what Sam will have in store next time. We were supposed to meet this week, but anyone who knows me, knows the beginning of fall through winter is a rough time for my small family. If we go this season with less than 3 visits to the ER/hospital, I will be ecstatic! I might as well not make plans, ever.

So since I can't count on seeing him in the near future, I've been wondering what he has in store. He surprises me a lot lately, coming up with things I hadn't thought he had in him. ;) I do occasionally wish my bum got more "attention", but isn't that always the case? Last time I wondered if he'd been browsing a bit much through Twisted Monk's site and the like.

On a completely different note (sort of), this is funny:

One of those nights.

My breasts ache a bit, for the first time he tried some rope bondage. An interesting way to slide back into things considering we'd not seen each other for almost a month with all the business going on. Pushed some borders and boundaries, was a good visit. I should blog more about it when I'm not so tired.

But this is what caught me tonight as I was getting ready to go to bed. I asked my friend if he could get text messages:

(3:12:54 AM) Joey: don't call me, i can't really reconcile you with what you do with your buddy. the dirty things you share together are the ind of things you share with someone you're in a relationship with

There are maybe 5 people who know about my relationship with Sam (that's what I decided to call him ;). I'm rather careful who I tell, for obvious reasons, and a bit frustrated I missed the mark with this friend. A bit disheartening overall. I'm not up for being judged tonight.


Hope all my friends in blogland are doing well, and that I read happy/fun/wanton/crazy/sexy blog posts when I catch up on my reading tomorrow.

Moodiness

I was dreaming in that still-awake, close to sleep state. I was thinking about love. I was wondering if I'm selfish, not necessarily in physical aspects of love, but in other ways. The whole hyped-up idea of true love, where you give all of yourself to someone, let someone know all of you.

I was imagining someone knowing me, finding all the pieces, and basically leaving, telling me I was too broken to fix. My MIL was talking (on the way up) about children of sexual abuse basically being broken, and never really able to be fixed. Obviously she has no idea, but the thought stuck with me, I suppose. Rather melodramatic of me.

I have a friend who looked me up after close to a decade, and I have to wonder if he's disappointed in what he's found. I am definitely a different person, a much different person than I was.